2 "Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."
3 What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?
4 Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.
5 The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.
6 The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.
7 All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.
Ecclesiastes 1 : 2-7
Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do.
Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom.
Ecclesiastes 9:7-10
This lent, I am feasting instead of fasting. Fasting would be so much easier because my heart favors justice and not grace. If God told me, Lindsey, wear rags and starve in the street. I would do it, because it feels right. And this is because my heart opposes the God who made it. I prefer punishment over grace. Because the world is not fair and I feel like it's my fault that I have so much, that I'm being poisoned by wealth.
But I'm not being poisoned by wealth. I'm poisoned by my direct opposition to God's scandalous grace in blessing me...and I oppose this grace every time I fast from something because I'm motivated by shame. And so, instead of fasting out of my shame, which would be easy because I have so much shame and guilt lying around.....I am going to feast out of my gratitude for the blessings of my life. which is hard because I'd like to punish myself for enjoying them.
What ludicrousness! I punish myself for the things God has given me like food and clothing and clean water and a home and an education and coffee and milk and chocolate because I believe I'm contributing to the unequal distribution of wealth on this earth? How did I come to believe that it was my responsibility to eradicate poverty with my denial of the body? I think I started doing this sort of thing because it made me look and feel wise and religious.
"Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ. Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.
Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: "Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!"? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence."
Colossians 2:16-23
In the same way that Paul was pointing out that those who cling to the regulations of the law have lost touch with Christ, I feel that in my clinging to regulations for holiness in my own lifestyle, I lost touch with the grater reality of the freedom offered to me in Christ.
It's kind of embarassing to think that in my self denial, I was only indulging my fleshly desire to oppose God's grace. I thought I was living righteously because God had revealed to me some special point of view about wealth and the empire and Christ's kingdom coming through his people building a new model for living. But I was only building my own kingdom where I earned God's favor and the right to participate in His redemption and resurrection if I lived a life of self denail. i thought the grace people always confronted me with when they disagreed with my style of living was a cheap grace that didn't require anything of me or cost me anything.....that when Jesus said he didn't know people because they hadn't fed the hungry, that would certainly be me if I didn't get out there with my burritos and prove that I believed God and wanted to obey him....but now I see that God's grace causes you to lose your life because in your joy, you simply misplace it. And that he prepares the good works in advance for you to do, to engage you in a unique service that will be a blessing to both you and to those you serve, not just leaving you to the task of creating your own masterpiece of self sacrifice and service so you could be worth in the end. I always felt that I had to engineer a life that reflected soundly a set of intellectual beliefs I was fond of. Which took a great deal of energy.
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 2:8-10
I think something about that sort of grace...where you really were free...scared me because I thought it was too good a deal on my end. it was too gracious. it was so gracious it didn't change your life....
but i was wrong.
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